The shield and the stones
When you're well, the day's stones hit the shield and fall. When you're exhausted, sad and without anything holding you up, a bigger stone knocks everything down. Triggers from your partner's past are stones: they'll keep showing up. What changes is your shield.
Emotional balance
To face negative situations, you need positive ones on the scale too. Not as a reward afterwards, but as a foundation. Dr. Yuri compares it to a professional chess game: there are pauses to clear your head before the next move.
Active, not numbing
Sitting in front of a series switches your mind off for a while, but it doesn't strengthen you. An active activity is different: a walk, a book, a new hobby, learning something. Think of hobbies as money in the bank: they hold you up on hard days.
Exercise helps in a concrete way. In the morning, movement gives you energy to act; at night, something calmer helps you relax and sleep.
You control the sweater, not the weather
You can't control the weather, or anyone's past. You can control the sweater you put on. The work of the ring is to stop trying to change what doesn't change and invest in what's within your reach: you.
Ten minutes of quality
Ten minutes of real presence with the person you love, without your phone, are worth more than hours on the same couch. It's one of the simplest and most forgotten exercises.
What to do today
- Today, note what you did for your shield: sleep, movement, therapy, an active activity, ten minutes of quality time.
- Choose a hobby to try this week.
- Only face a trigger on purpose on days when you're strong.
We need to be strong to step into the ring. All beaten up, all bleeding, we don't go in, because we'll lose.Dr. Yuri Busin, in the lesson Improving yourself (translated from Portuguese)
Phrases to keep
- Nobody steps into the ring bleeding.
- You control the sweater, not the weather.
- Hobbies are like money in the bank.
Frequently asked questions
Does getting stronger solve the jealousy on its own?
Not on its own. Treatment combines two blocks: self-control, to stop feeding the cycle, and improving yourself, so triggers weigh less. Each supports the other.
Is watching TV forbidden?
No. The point is not using numbing as the only way to deal with the day. Active activities strengthen you; numbing only postpones.
This content is educational and does not replace professional assessment, diagnosis or treatment. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call your local emergency number now. In the US, call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, call Samaritans at 116 123.