1. The Campfire
When the urge to ask or check comes, rate it from 0 to 10 and wait, without acting, until it drops. A campfire only stays alive if someone adds wood. Each time you don't, it gets smaller.
2. The Question Box
Write the question down instead of asking it, and only decide after 24 hours whether it still matters. Urgency is anxiety talking.
3. Fact or story
Split a sheet into two columns: what actually happened and what your mind added. Read the fact with the verb in the past tense: he was, she traveled.
4. The Trump Card
On a good day, write down the best memory the two of you share, in detail. In a crisis, read it. It reminds you of what exists today, in the present, that the past doesn't erase.
5. The 20-second check-in
At the end of the day, log your average urge, how many questions you asked, how many times you checked and how much time you spent ruminating. The numbers show the improvement the feeling hides.
Where to start
Pick just one for this week. Changing one behavior at a time works better than trying to change everything at once.
What to do today
- Pick one of the five exercises for this week.
- Do it at least once a day.
- At the end of the week, see what changed in your numbers.
Phrases to keep
- The campfire starves.
- One behavior at a time.
- The numbers show what the feeling hides.
Frequently asked questions
Which exercise works best?
It depends on what weighs most for you. If it's the questions, start with the Question Box. If it's checking, with the Campfire. If it's the movie in your head, with Fact or story.
Do these exercises replace therapy?
No. They're self-care practices based on the lessons and the book. If jealousy takes up much of your life, consider seeing a psychologist.
This content is educational and does not replace professional assessment, diagnosis or treatment. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call your local emergency number now. In the US, call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, call Samaritans at 116 123.