One detail, a whole movie
You find out he went to the beach with his ex. That's all you know. In seconds, the mind builds the rest: the hotel, the photos, the laughter, how happy he was, how it was better than with you.
None of these scenes happened in front of you. But the body reacts to them as if they were real.
The exercise
Take a sheet of paper and make two columns.
- In the Fact column, write only what can be verified, without adjectives: they went to the beach in 2019.
- In the Story column, write everything your mind added: it was the best trip of his life, he was happier.
- Look at the Story column and ask: do I know this, or am I imagining it?
Almost always, the story column is much longer than the fact column. And it's the story that hurts.
The verb in the right tense
Another part of the exercise is the verb tense. The mind talks about the past in the present: she is with him on that beach. Correcting it out loud helps: she was, she traveled, that was in 2019. Now she is here, with me.
It seems simple, and it is. That's why it works in the middle of a crisis.
In the app
In Before Me, the Fact or story tool walks you through this exercise step by step, with a zoom out: looking at the scene from afar, at the size it really has in your whole life together.
What to do today
- Pick the story that came up most this week.
- Make the two columns: fact and story.
- Read only the fact column out loud, with the verb in the past tense.
Phrases to keep
- Almost all the suffering is in the story.
- He was. Now he is here.
- Do I know this, or am I imagining it?
Frequently asked questions
What if the fact itself already bothers me?
It may, and that's okay. The exercise doesn't erase the fact; it separates what's real from what the mind amplifies, which is usually the part that hurts most.
Do I need more details to fill in the fact column?
No. More details usually turn into more story. Use only what you already know.
This content is educational and does not replace professional assessment, diagnosis or treatment. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call your local emergency number now. In the US, call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, call Samaritans at 116 123.