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Treatment

Therapy for retroactive jealousy: how it works, which approaches and what to expect

When to see a psychologist for retroactive jealousy, which approaches are commonly used and what happens in sessions, explained by Dr. Yuri Busin.

Dr. Yuri Busin

Dr. Yuri BusinPsychologist (Brazil, CRP 06/107708) · 2 min read

Short answerTherapy for retroactive jealousy usually works on three fronts: understanding the cycle of trigger, thought, distress and relief; gradually reducing the behaviors that keep the cycle going, like asking, checking and seeking reassurance; and strengthening the person, with self-esteem, boundaries and their own projects. Approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy, including exposure and response prevention, and acceptance and commitment therapy are commonly used.

When to seek help

It's worth seeing a psychologist when jealousy takes up many hours of your day, disrupts sleep, work or your sex life, when you've tried to stop on your own and couldn't, or when there are thoughts that feel obsessive.

It's also worth it if jealousy is causing frequent fights or if you've thought about breaking up just to make the pain stop.

What happens in sessions

In the first sessions, the psychologist learns your history, your triggers and the pattern of the cycle. Then the work becomes more practical: identifying the behaviors that keep the jealousy going, planning how to reduce them and practicing what to do when the urge comes.

Between sessions there is usually homework: logs, exercises, experiments. That's where much of the change happens.

The most common approaches

The PRO Method, created by Dr. Yuri Busin, organizes this work into 12 stages, from the shame at the start to maintenance.

Therapy and the app together

The Before Me app doesn't replace therapy, but it can support you between sessions: the lessons, the crisis tools and the daily logs help keep the work going day to day.

What to do today

  1. Note how much time a day jealousy takes up.
  2. List what you've already tried and what happened.
  3. If jealousy is getting in the way of your life, book an assessment.

Phrases to keep

Frequently asked questions

How long does therapy for retroactive jealousy take?

It varies a lot from person to person and depends on intensity, how long the cycle has been going and other associated conditions. A psychologist can estimate better after an assessment.

Does online therapy work for retroactive jealousy?

For many people, yes. The work relies heavily on conversation, logs and exercises, which work well remotely.

This content is educational and does not replace professional assessment, diagnosis or treatment. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call your local emergency number now. In the US, call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, call Samaritans at 116 123.

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